The World Wide Rag
"If chimps are almost as smart as us, why do we never
see them riding goats?"
- Werner Herzog
Lists, lists, lists
Everybody loves a good list. Best this, best that, you name it. Lists are like opinions and assholes, and usually it's a bunch of assholes making up the lists. That's certainly the case here.
"We're An American Band" —Grand Funk Railroad "Wanted: Dead or Alive" — Bonjovi "Shooting Star" — Bad Company "Jukebox Hero" — Foreigner "Summer of '69" — Bryan Adams "Beth" — Kiss "Faithfully" — Journey "Rock and Roll Fantasy" — Bad Company "The Marshall Plan" — Blue Oyster Cult "Other Side of the World" — The Rainmakers
Prostitution's Greatest Hits
"Wrong Way" — Sublime "Roxanne" — The Police "Trick of the Light" — The Who "What's Up, Fatlip" — Fatlip "What Do You Do For Money, Honey" — AC/DC "Bad Girls" — Donna Summer "He's a Whore" — Cheap Trick "Mexican Blackbird" — ZZ Top "Wild Thing" — Tone Loc "Tecumseh Valley" — Townes Van Zandt "Basketcase" — Green Day "The Acid Queen " — The Who "Lady Marmalade" — Labelle "Reno" — Bruce Springsteen "53rd & 3rd" — The Ramones "Just Like Old Times" — Todd Snider "Fancy" — Reba McEntire
(Possible) Porno Movie Titles You'll Be Renting Soon
The XXX Files: I Want to Receive
Handcock
Space Pimps
Fly Me to the Poon
There Will Be Pud
Good Fuck Chuck
Drain Over Me
V For Vagina
Six Days Seven Inches
Gulp Friction
Driving It In Miss Daisy
Against All Wads
Uponthelips Now
The Rodfather
Planet of the Gapes
Back Side Story
Citizen Vein
And, coming soon ...
The Bicurious Case of Benjamin's Button
The 10 Best Goddamn Movies Ever Made
(in no particular order)
The Godfather, I and II (counts as one entry)
Apocalypse Now Redux
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
Taxi Driver
The Road Warrior
The Ten Commandments
The Maltese Falcon
Slingblade
Lawrence of Arabia
Goodfellas
The 10 Worst Goddamn Movies Ever Made
(in no particular order)
Moulin Rouge
Atonement
The Phantom Menace
St. Elmo's Fire
Daredevil
Patch Adams
The Children of Sanchez
Batman and Robin
First Knight
Howard the Duck
5 Movies Sam Peckinpah Might Have Made if He'd Been Gay:
1) The Puce Bunch
2) Give Me Head, Alfredo Garcia
3) Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid and the Pool Boy
4) Straw Bears
5) Sex and the City and a Severed Head
Most Do-able Women of the 20th Century
(also in no particular order, because how the hell could you pick?)
Nastassja Kinski
Marilyn Monroe
(young) Ann-Margret
(young) Jessica Lange
(young -- not that young) Drew Barrymore
Angelina Jolie
Ornella Muti
Halle Barry
Asia Argento
Rosanna Arquette
Kelly Hu
Raquel Welch
Brigitte Bardot
Julie Newmar (as Catwoman)
Barbara Eden
Yvonne DeCarlo
Grace Kelly
Sylvia Kristel
Isabella Rossellini
Ingrid Bergman
Least Do-able Women of the 20th Century
(also in no particular order — it's too disturbing to think about for that long)
Sarah Jessica Parker
Condoleezza Rice
Ariana Huffington
Julie Chen
Dr. Sue Johanson
Ann Coulter
Tipper Gore
Jennifer Aniston
Eleanor Roosevelt
Oprah Winfrey
10 Greatest Rock 'n' Roll Songs of All Fucking Time
_________________
Born to Run - Bruce Springsteen
(Don't Fear) The Reaper - Blue Oyster Cult
Won't Get Fooled Again - The Who
Satisfaction - The Rolling Stones
Jailhouse Rock - Elvis Presley
A Day In the Life - The Beatles
Like a Rolling Stone -Bob Dylan
Comfortably Numb -Pink Floyd
You Shook Me All Night Long - AC/DC
Stairway to Heaven - Led Zeppelin
10 Worst Rock 'n' Roll Songs of All Fucking Time
_________________
Seasons in the Sun -Terry Jacks
Open Arms - Journey
Having My Baby - Paul Anka
Lightin' Strikes - Lou Christie
Eve of Destruction - Barry McGuire
Take a Chance on Me - Abba
Cotton Eye Joe - the Rednex
Since U Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson
Swearin' to God - Frankie Valli
Anything by Starship
