The World Wide Rag
| White Trash Perspective |
| Them Summer Olympics and the Environment |
| By Rick and Rita Rebel |
Been doin' me some figurin' on these Olympics that've got everybody's bowels in such an
uproar. To tell you the God's honest truth, it just about pisses me off to no end. I paid more
than $80.00 for the biggest used satellite dish I could find (and would fit in my truck), and
every five minutes on the TV there's either some commercial with all the music blarin', showin'
people runnin' and jumpin' and all kinds of other crazy shit
uproar. To tell you the God's honest truth, it just about pisses me off to no end. I paid more
than $80.00 for the biggest used satellite dish I could find (and would fit in my truck), and
every five minutes on the TV there's either some commercial with all the music blarin', showin'
people runnin' and jumpin' and all kinds of other crazy shit
Tellin' me to recycle, renew, reuse. And then BAM! there'll be somethin' else about the
goddamned Olympics. Know what I say? I say I done heard enough about the Olympics and
the environment.
goddamned Olympics. Know what I say? I say I done heard enough about the Olympics and
the environment.
You listenin'? Look here: For years, these guys that have been tellin' us to be all
environmental. And besides cars and trucks, they've been blamin' cattle and dairy farmers for
all the methane put out into the air, hurtin' the ozone layer over top of where they live. I been
around a lotta cattle, and that's just what they do, folks: They're fartin' 24-7, even when they're
sleepin'. They're layin' there rippin' 'em fit the blow the barn apart. Hundreds of 'em at a time, all
blastin' the asses off themselves at the same time. And yes, it's bad. It's enough to gag a
maggot off a gut-wagon. I'll grant you that.
environmental. And besides cars and trucks, they've been blamin' cattle and dairy farmers for
all the methane put out into the air, hurtin' the ozone layer over top of where they live. I been
around a lotta cattle, and that's just what they do, folks: They're fartin' 24-7, even when they're
sleepin'. They're layin' there rippin' 'em fit the blow the barn apart. Hundreds of 'em at a time, all
blastin' the asses off themselves at the same time. And yes, it's bad. It's enough to gag a
maggot off a gut-wagon. I'll grant you that.
But think about this for a second: How many people you figure gonna be at them Olympics
over there in China? Couple million? Gotta be. Now, you got a couple million people, and a
helluva bunch of them is white people from all over the place, whose guts ain't used to all that
chow mein an' shit like that, right? For two whole weeks. All in one city.
over there in China? Couple million? Gotta be. Now, you got a couple million people, and a
helluva bunch of them is white people from all over the place, whose guts ain't used to all that
chow mein an' shit like that, right? For two whole weeks. All in one city.
Okay. You just think about that for a second. Between all them people eatin' that weird Chinese
food, or gettin' the shits for some other reason, can you imagine what the hell all that's gonna do
to that ozone layer? Why, if some cows fartin' can be all that bad, just how bad you think it's
gonna be over there by the end of August? Even if the ozone thing survives all that shittin' and
fartin' and doesn't suck the whole damn country into outer space, I guaran-damn-tee you, I want
no part of it.
Posted Thursday, August 7, 2008
food, or gettin' the shits for some other reason, can you imagine what the hell all that's gonna do
to that ozone layer? Why, if some cows fartin' can be all that bad, just how bad you think it's
gonna be over there by the end of August? Even if the ozone thing survives all that shittin' and
fartin' and doesn't suck the whole damn country into outer space, I guaran-damn-tee you, I want
no part of it.
Posted Thursday, August 7, 2008
| Last Chance for Gas? |
| By Neil Skank |
Listen up, people.
It's getting so a man can't even get in his vehicle know what they're charging for gas in your town,
but where I live the price keeps teasing right up to that $4 a gallon mark, then coming down a few
cents, then getting right back up to the mark again, then dropping back down. I feel like I'm in an
OPEC massage parlor. If you're gonna screw me, stop all the teasin' and do the deed, for God's
sake.
Four dollars a goddamn gallon? And that's for the cheap stuff! We're talkin' the Sam's Club of gas,
the generic gas, the Costco gas. Four dollars a gallon for that unleaded crap!
I saw some city guy on the news saying, "What's the big deal? We pay four or five dollars a gallon
for milk. Gas is a liquid. Why not pay that much for it, too?"
Listen up, shithead. I can buy a gallon of milk and it'll last me a week, if it ain't hot weather. Try
going a week on one gallon of gas. Does the smog in the city rot their brains?
For people living in rural America, like yours truly, this gas price horseshit is a real concern. We
have to drive to get to work, to take our kids to school, to go to the store, go to the doctor. We
don't just step out of our building, say hi to the doorman and step into a cab. We don't have public
transport buses on back roads. There ain't no subways that run up a holler.
It's getting so a man can't even get in his vehicle know what they're charging for gas in your town,
but where I live the price keeps teasing right up to that $4 a gallon mark, then coming down a few
cents, then getting right back up to the mark again, then dropping back down. I feel like I'm in an
OPEC massage parlor. If you're gonna screw me, stop all the teasin' and do the deed, for God's
sake.
Four dollars a goddamn gallon? And that's for the cheap stuff! We're talkin' the Sam's Club of gas,
the generic gas, the Costco gas. Four dollars a gallon for that unleaded crap!
I saw some city guy on the news saying, "What's the big deal? We pay four or five dollars a gallon
for milk. Gas is a liquid. Why not pay that much for it, too?"
Listen up, shithead. I can buy a gallon of milk and it'll last me a week, if it ain't hot weather. Try
going a week on one gallon of gas. Does the smog in the city rot their brains?
For people living in rural America, like yours truly, this gas price horseshit is a real concern. We
have to drive to get to work, to take our kids to school, to go to the store, go to the doctor. We
don't just step out of our building, say hi to the doorman and step into a cab. We don't have public
transport buses on back roads. There ain't no subways that run up a holler.
| Do you see a city bus around here? |
If we can't even afford to keep our vehicles on the friends. The American Dream goes tits up. Say
goodnight, Democracy.
And who's gonna help us? Not George W. Bush, that's for sure. Don't get me wrong, I think he's a
good man. I voted for him four or five times. But he's an oil man. Or at least he tried to be one. He ain't
much on the follow-through, is he? Anyway, he's not gonna do anything that'll hurt his oilmen friends
and contributors.
So where does that leave us? With the two men running for president? McCain and Obama? Come on
now. Obama ain't got that kinda pull. He barely beat a woman to get the nomination. You think he's got
the gravel to stand up to Exxon and tell 'em to act like human beings? He and Oprah and Ellen and
Rosie put together couldn't say one word that would give those boys pause.
goodnight, Democracy.
And who's gonna help us? Not George W. Bush, that's for sure. Don't get me wrong, I think he's a
good man. I voted for him four or five times. But he's an oil man. Or at least he tried to be one. He ain't
much on the follow-through, is he? Anyway, he's not gonna do anything that'll hurt his oilmen friends
and contributors.
So where does that leave us? With the two men running for president? McCain and Obama? Come on
now. Obama ain't got that kinda pull. He barely beat a woman to get the nomination. You think he's got
the gravel to stand up to Exxon and tell 'em to act like human beings? He and Oprah and Ellen and
Rosie put together couldn't say one word that would give those boys pause.
| Obama dances with Ellen |
those years. But let's face it, people, he's an old
man now. He looks like he should be out in the park
I respect McCain for being a prisoner of war for
wearing his little VFW hat on Flag Day, not runnin'
the goddamn country. What the hell are we
thinking?
man now. He looks like he should be out in the park
I respect McCain for being a prisoner of war for
wearing his little VFW hat on Flag Day, not runnin'
the goddamn country. What the hell are we
thinking?
| McCain dances with Bush |
The one person who ran for president this year
who might've been mean enough to do something
about this gas mess just dropped out. That's right,
I mean Hillary Her Highness. That ruthless bitch
might've really taken it to Big Oil if we could've
convinced her that would win her the job.
Man, that Clinton legacy is starting to look like
lukewarm boogers on a paper plate, isn't it? First
Bill screws up a two-term presidency by sticking
his cigar where it wasn't meant to go, and then
Hilary manages to lose a sure-thing presidential
run. How'd you like to sleep in that marital bed
these days?
About as much as Bill likes it, I imagine.
who might've been mean enough to do something
about this gas mess just dropped out. That's right,
I mean Hillary Her Highness. That ruthless bitch
might've really taken it to Big Oil if we could've
convinced her that would win her the job.
Man, that Clinton legacy is starting to look like
lukewarm boogers on a paper plate, isn't it? First
Bill screws up a two-term presidency by sticking
his cigar where it wasn't meant to go, and then
Hilary manages to lose a sure-thing presidential
run. How'd you like to sleep in that marital bed
these days?
About as much as Bill likes it, I imagine.
| "I want two dollars a gallon and I want it now!" |
So if there's no answer for this gas price gouge,
end. Just read your Bibles, people. It's all there for
the knowing. It's no accident our boys are over
there fighting in the Middle East right now. We're in
the Final Days, bet your ass.
I don't mean to tip my hand, but rest assured I'm
hoarding up all the gas, canned goods and ammo I
can get my sweaty hands on. If you thought Y2K
had people scared, just wait until gas is 10 bucks a
gallon. This country's gonna look like something
out of a zombie apocalypse movie.
And I'll be in the hills with my kin and my generator,
watching the horizon through my rifle's scope.
That's what the White Trash Perspective is fixin' to
be, folks. Ain't pretty, is it?
Posted Tuesday, June 17, 2008
end. Just read your Bibles, people. It's all there for
the knowing. It's no accident our boys are over
there fighting in the Middle East right now. We're in
the Final Days, bet your ass.
I don't mean to tip my hand, but rest assured I'm
hoarding up all the gas, canned goods and ammo I
can get my sweaty hands on. If you thought Y2K
had people scared, just wait until gas is 10 bucks a
gallon. This country's gonna look like something
out of a zombie apocalypse movie.
And I'll be in the hills with my kin and my generator,
watching the horizon through my rifle's scope.
That's what the White Trash Perspective is fixin' to
be, folks. Ain't pretty, is it?
Posted Tuesday, June 17, 2008
| The Walmart Controversy |
| By Neil Skank |
I'm tellin' y'all right the hell now, I ain't got a thing against the Wal-Mart Supercenter they just put up.
Nothin'. And I'll tell you why: I get shit cheap. All those marts up the four-lane have been screwin' us for
thirty years. The supermarket (which I won't name, but you know which one I mean) has been bendin'
us over for even longer, chargin' whatever they think they can get out of us. And don't even talk to me
about the goddamn tire store, the clothes stores, and all the rest of them bastards.
But it's a different damn story now that they put up that Wal-Mart, by God. All of 'em are shittin'
sideways, throwin' sales, cuttin' prices, damn near beggin' us to get in there and spend a few bucks.
Well, Reckonin' Day came early, you sons-o-bitches, and now it's time you felt the pain.
I been readin' all this Commie shit about how Wal-Mart don't pay a fair wage, and how they destroy the
local stores, and drive out all the mom-and-pop stores. Guess what? GOOD! Fuck 'em. They been
pourin' the cob to all of us little people who didn't have any choice but to pay however much they asked
since before I was born. Now all of a sudden, they want to do right by us. Now they want us to boycott
the Wal-Mart, 'cause Wal-Mart is all evil and shit. Newsflash, Mom and Pop: Too friggin' late. You had
your chance to treat us like something other than tits full of money, but NO, you had to keep squeezin'
and squeezin', bleedin' us white. Payback's a bitch ain't it, Food Lion? How 'bout you, Kroger, your ass
sore yet? No? Well, it will be, trust me on that one, you $5.00 cantaloupe son-of-a-bitch.
Nothin'. And I'll tell you why: I get shit cheap. All those marts up the four-lane have been screwin' us for
thirty years. The supermarket (which I won't name, but you know which one I mean) has been bendin'
us over for even longer, chargin' whatever they think they can get out of us. And don't even talk to me
about the goddamn tire store, the clothes stores, and all the rest of them bastards.
But it's a different damn story now that they put up that Wal-Mart, by God. All of 'em are shittin'
sideways, throwin' sales, cuttin' prices, damn near beggin' us to get in there and spend a few bucks.
Well, Reckonin' Day came early, you sons-o-bitches, and now it's time you felt the pain.
I been readin' all this Commie shit about how Wal-Mart don't pay a fair wage, and how they destroy the
local stores, and drive out all the mom-and-pop stores. Guess what? GOOD! Fuck 'em. They been
pourin' the cob to all of us little people who didn't have any choice but to pay however much they asked
since before I was born. Now all of a sudden, they want to do right by us. Now they want us to boycott
the Wal-Mart, 'cause Wal-Mart is all evil and shit. Newsflash, Mom and Pop: Too friggin' late. You had
your chance to treat us like something other than tits full of money, but NO, you had to keep squeezin'
and squeezin', bleedin' us white. Payback's a bitch ain't it, Food Lion? How 'bout you, Kroger, your ass
sore yet? No? Well, it will be, trust me on that one, you $5.00 cantaloupe son-of-a-bitch.
You really think I wanna pay two-times as much for a box of shotgun shells down at Dave's? You ever
see Dave's house? It's only like Buckingham Palace compared to my trailer. Hell with you too, Dave. I
can get them shells, and milk, AND bread up at the Wal-Mart, all at the same time. Same buggyful of
shit, one-stop shoppin'.
So all you fuckin' hippies cryin' about exploitation, and buyin' local, and all the rest of that left-handed
bullshit, you just remember: The way things are, with nobody havin' no money, and shit costin'
sky-high, and us not hittin' the Lotto, you wanna pony up some grocery money, I'll be happy to take it.
Until that time (and that time ain't ever gonna come), shut your holes.
If you wanna find me I'll be up at the Supercenter, gettin' me some eggs, a tank of gas, a box of baby
powder, some butter, a bag of onions, and a goddamn cantaloupe. See you there.
see Dave's house? It's only like Buckingham Palace compared to my trailer. Hell with you too, Dave. I
can get them shells, and milk, AND bread up at the Wal-Mart, all at the same time. Same buggyful of
shit, one-stop shoppin'.
So all you fuckin' hippies cryin' about exploitation, and buyin' local, and all the rest of that left-handed
bullshit, you just remember: The way things are, with nobody havin' no money, and shit costin'
sky-high, and us not hittin' the Lotto, you wanna pony up some grocery money, I'll be happy to take it.
Until that time (and that time ain't ever gonna come), shut your holes.
If you wanna find me I'll be up at the Supercenter, gettin' me some eggs, a tank of gas, a box of baby
powder, some butter, a bag of onions, and a goddamn cantaloupe. See you there.
Posted January 31, 2009
| The Healthcare Crisis Here in America |
| By Rick Rebel |
Right after Maury went off the other day, Jerry Springer came on, so I thought I'd watch for a while. He
had on about a half-dozen midgets, all pissed-off at each other, and one of 'em was wearin' a weddin'
dress. I reckon she wanted to marry one o' them other midgets, and I was wonderin' where they got a
weddin' dress that little, when all of sudden all hell broke loose. Those midgets commenced to positively
beat the shit out of each other. Little arms and legs and fists flyin' all over the place. By god I thought
they were gonna tear the whole damn place apart. And midgets, yet.
And I got to thinkin'. If these midgets act up this bad on television, in front of somebody as big as Jerry
Springer, just how bad do you figure they act at home, behind closed doors? Which led me to wonderin',
if these midgets kick each other's ass so bad all the time, who's gonna look after 'em? I mean, to my
knowledge, there ain't no special midget hospital anyplace, and I ain't never heard of no midget
insurance to pay for it all. And I doubt they got jobs. I never saw one out doin' anything. Just on TV,
thumpin' hell outta each other.
had on about a half-dozen midgets, all pissed-off at each other, and one of 'em was wearin' a weddin'
dress. I reckon she wanted to marry one o' them other midgets, and I was wonderin' where they got a
weddin' dress that little, when all of sudden all hell broke loose. Those midgets commenced to positively
beat the shit out of each other. Little arms and legs and fists flyin' all over the place. By god I thought
they were gonna tear the whole damn place apart. And midgets, yet.
And I got to thinkin'. If these midgets act up this bad on television, in front of somebody as big as Jerry
Springer, just how bad do you figure they act at home, behind closed doors? Which led me to wonderin',
if these midgets kick each other's ass so bad all the time, who's gonna look after 'em? I mean, to my
knowledge, there ain't no special midget hospital anyplace, and I ain't never heard of no midget
insurance to pay for it all. And I doubt they got jobs. I never saw one out doin' anything. Just on TV,
thumpin' hell outta each other.
That's when I realized that that's part of all this healthcare uproar we been hearin' about for weeks now.
Somebody has to pay to patch up all these little bastards, and for their hospital and doctor's bills, and
from all I been hearin', by damn that's you and me, brother. Can you imagine the drain on the Federal
government, payin' out all them millions just so a bunch o' fuckin' midgets can raise hell? And that's just
the midgets. When you add in all the other kinds of cripples out there, people that got one arm, or one leg,
or worse, Jesus Christ it's no wonder the whole damned country is in the poor house.
And just try to get the insurance companies to pay for somethin'. When I lost my thumb in the sausage
grinder last October, you think they'd pay up? Hell no, they wouldn't. Gave me some shit about not
havin' paid no premiums since '92. Cheap bastards.
So I say if they wanna give ol' Obama a shot at shakin' things up, and at least tryin' to get a better system,
for my part, have at it. He can't do no worse than we got it now. Hell, he might even figure out a way to
pay for them goddamned midgets. And I might even be able to get me a new thumb of some kind. If
you can find a weddin' dress to fit a little mean-ass midget woman, surely there's a way to fix my thumb.
Somebody has to pay to patch up all these little bastards, and for their hospital and doctor's bills, and
from all I been hearin', by damn that's you and me, brother. Can you imagine the drain on the Federal
government, payin' out all them millions just so a bunch o' fuckin' midgets can raise hell? And that's just
the midgets. When you add in all the other kinds of cripples out there, people that got one arm, or one leg,
or worse, Jesus Christ it's no wonder the whole damned country is in the poor house.
And just try to get the insurance companies to pay for somethin'. When I lost my thumb in the sausage
grinder last October, you think they'd pay up? Hell no, they wouldn't. Gave me some shit about not
havin' paid no premiums since '92. Cheap bastards.
So I say if they wanna give ol' Obama a shot at shakin' things up, and at least tryin' to get a better system,
for my part, have at it. He can't do no worse than we got it now. Hell, he might even figure out a way to
pay for them goddamned midgets. And I might even be able to get me a new thumb of some kind. If
you can find a weddin' dress to fit a little mean-ass midget woman, surely there's a way to fix my thumb.
| Posted August 10, 2009 |